They simply keep nagging over like every single thing 

And my mum doesn't allow me to stay hall cause it's single room and not double room. Like can't understand cause so many people already stay in it 

Anyway yesterday and the day before that was a really fun day!! 

Like super fun 

Yesterday we had BBQ at this senior house called ziyang 

It was super fun cause I haven't seen the og in so long!!!! And this time I didn't have any responsibilities with me at all so I simply jump from clique to clique and played. Like I think I was really in my own element like in school. I enjoy being in big groups and just talking to everybody. 

So like when I reached it was a little boring so I just entertained myself by talking to Eugene about dance. Then boonz wanted to join in the conver so I'm like okay but it was a bit hard hahahaha 

After that I talked to boonz for a while like about his blog and everything. It so interesting to hear people's stories. Like he wants to make his blog famous. 

Then we moved on to preparing the sotong together like putting the sambal sauce and everything and talking. I think I bitched about this person a little too much LOL like too much cause I usually don't bitch but whatever. Things really happened. 

After we were done and done playing the music hahaha

We played dai di with the freshies! It was super fun like at moments we were like omg hahaha and asshole revolution 

And my position still stayed the same LOL 

Then after that I was basically running around talking to many people like my cousin 

The day before that had Ogl meeting and watch amazing formations of ndp 

Later in going to visit them during pre camp!!!

I met Joshua in the morning and we played in the bus all the way to Vivo. Played get rich in the bus whereby I carried him to win a round and he carried me the next round. 

We played fighting game. Tickling. Talking about everything like the reflection by keppel which he talked too fast and sounded like blubblubblub 

Tickled and shoot each other 

Reached Lynn house and baked made the marshmallow thing together with Joshua. Helped Lynn a little with guidance but mildly. She baked for tikiat a peanut butter cake which turned out idk what hehe 

I played with Lynn baby cousin Xavier raymus and Corrine it was quite fun and they talked to me. And her doggies hehe 

After that I met Wilson aka my cousin LOL for dinner and sushi tei for my fantastic unagi super yummy 

Then we went to daily scoop and sat outside the mrt there to talk. He went for puff puff then we went coffee bean till we talked to 11.20pm omg from like 8pm siao. 

Me and him talked so much about the religion like history. Palestain thing and smoking and relationships. It was super fun and interesting . Sometimes I wonder if I'm a good listener or he's a good talker but he never stops talking or leading the conversation. But I guess I learn to really be more confident of myself. After S24 and Ogl for arts camp.

Don't be afraid or shy about who you are or what are your norms compared to others. Not drinking/smoking/coffee does not make you a loser. Most of the time you are a winner cause you're not dependent on these substances or require large amounts of it. 

I learnt to find back my lost determination and prepare myself to go all out when I need to with confidence. My decisions might not always be wrong or right because there really isn't wrong or right. But I can persuade people to at least respect my choices based on my reasons or thinking. Even if they disagree. 

I learnt how to find confidence and strength from within to go all out to my ability. And I am ready to study really hard next semester. Just like I'm dancing my ass off now. 

Today my stomach felt painful 

And I really wasn't sure if it was gastric, muscle ache core gas attack flu 

But I had such a fun day hehe 

Tomorrow I'm meeting Joshua in morning and Jinggy at evening and dance at night 

Looking forward too :)

Monday was spent with T4 for lunch in the afternoon then Yunhsiu at evening night and open class at night

Tuesday spent with Vernice at her house eating yogurt then dance at night 

Wednesday spent alone at home watching running man and having the time of my life + dance at night 

Thursday yesterday spent meeting radiance and HTHT for 4 straight magical hours idk how we did it at all hehe. Just talking about everything and dance at night 

Friday today is spent meeting Lynn at 3.30 in nus and then going for dance at night

Yesterday the meet up with radiance was so awesome. It's like we caught up so much and showed each other all the videos we wanted to ever. Talked about like her friends at camp and in school all the things and we really talked in depth about our lives. From religion to relationship to annoying people in the og to LBGT hehe. I loved hearing her stories in school like about the people. She could probably talk so much about them because obviously I don't know them hahaha. So different from sec sch and jc it's a different kind of friendship. And she told me what she thought of certain things too! What's best is we plan to watch high school musical hehe the next time we meet!!! So I'm excited 

Dance in general has been so fun but perhaps just yesterday it really sucks. I need to start sleeping earlier idk why I have problems sleeping. I guess it's past my bedtime hour when I start to feel like I should sleep which is 3-4. I'll need to start sleeping at 1-2 hehe thing to do tonight!!!! 

Dance then 😊 

Yesterday we learnt how to breathe while dancing. It sounds lame but many people don't know how to breathe. Most of the time people hold their breath while they dance because you're so caught up with firing strong steps for the audience. But if I learn how to breathe I think that it will really help me with my dance. To pace my dance better or to look stronger at certain steps will definitely be a great asset to have. 

Second thing, the big difference between a secondary school dance standard and a open category dance standard. It's huge. Kiko was explaining to me how the vibe of a seasoned dancer is different from the vibe of new dancers. Somehow the confidence and the ability to take ownership of the steps - to control the strength fired properly, both can be shown and can be felt. This was the trait that I was most impressed with during dance works. I saw other groups being really confident and dancing their heart out. It makes me really want to join along. Their neatness didn't matter at all cause I really stopped watching out for mistakes, I was simply trying to take in their strong all encompassing vibe. 

Next would be my usage of legs. I think it's quite a pity that my legs are really strong but I don't use it enough. One can use the strength from legs for your body and it's really two times more strength for your  body. Use legs to push your body up faster and stronger or to go down lower. Don't have lazy or murky steps especially regarding the legs because I have been picked out about it before. Legs should be picked up and should be as clear as the hands. 

Oh I learnt how to sing the song in the head alr and dance it exactly on beat. Because it's hard to listen to music and follow after that. It has to be in real time. Like I can hear the music in my mind at the exact same time as the music playing outside. Then I can dance exactly to the right music at exactly the right timing. Need to remember tho!!

Remembering choreo is something I'm getting better at but still a bit lacking. I will definitely try again tonight :)

It's so unexplainable the joy that dance brings me now. It feels like this best friend that's with me even when I'm alone. I can dance and smile freely and feel so much happiness even when I'm alone. I enjoy groove. It's tough but I feel like it embodies the true form of dance. Freedom of movement towards the music. Today the dance prac made me so happy cause there were little lines or sharp accent, just groove on its own. The dance instructor was damn damn cute like when he smiled and this is quite bad of me to say this since I have a boyfriend hahahahhahaha. Idk how to say I feel like strangers can connect through their love of this activity dance. It feels like part of my soul and my life. I really can't do a week without dancing. 

Choreographed group dancing feels so suffocating at times. It makes me love open classes cause you really don't have to care about anyone else but you and your love for dance. 

Ballet and jazz is so rigid at times. Especially for the lines and exact angle. Groove just feels so right even tho it's damn different. 

I really feel like I'm in love with this best friend I've never met. And this best friend will definitely be a lifelong friend cause I don't think I can do without it, at least for now. It is too big part of my life and it gives me too much happiness to forget about it. I really can't think of anything else I rather do but dance and maybe study occasionally. 

I really love today and I really enjoy dancing. 

Met up with a few T4 friends this afternoon too! Then met Yunhsiu for a while for dinner at standing sushi bar and some bonding. He told me about army and what they do when they train. It sounds boring but somehow the way he said it fascinated me cause I could really imagine his story in real life. Now I'm alone in the bus feeling like I'm on top of the world as the most popular person when in fact I'm not. Somehow I feel so rich even tho my wallet is empty hahhaa 

This is something I won't forget. 

Anne Hathaway says take a step back and truly love yourself for who you are. One day you can feel this sense of love and compassion for people and things around you.

I will breathe and love my life definitely 😊

Dance then 😊 

Yesterday we learnt how to breathe while dancing. It sounds lame but many people don't know how to breathe. Most of the time people hold their breath while they dance because you're so caught up with firing strong steps for the audience. But if I learn how to breathe I think that it will really help me with my dance. To pace my dance better or to look stronger at certain steps will definitely be a great asset to have. 

Second thing, the big difference between a secondary school dance standard and a open category dance standard. It's huge. Kiko was explaining to me how the vibe of a seasoned dancer is different from the vibe of new dancers. Somehow the confidence and the ability to take ownership of the steps - to control the strength fired properly, both can be shown and can be felt. This was the trait that I was most impressed with during dance works. I saw other groups being really confident and dancing their heart out. It makes me really want to join along. Their neatness didn't matter at all cause I really stopped watching out for mistakes, I was simply trying to take in their strong all encompassing vibe. 

Next would be my usage of legs. I think it's quite a pity that my legs are really strong but I don't use it enough. One can use the strength from legs for your body and it's really two times more strength for your  body. Use legs to push your body up faster and stronger or to go down lower. Don't have lazy or murky steps especially regarding the legs because I have been picked out about it before. Legs should be picked up and should be as clear as the hands. 

Oh I learnt how to sing the song in the head alr and dance it exactly on beat. Because it's hard to listen to music and follow after that. It has to be in real time. Like I can hear the music in my mind at the exact same time as the music playing outside. Then I can dance exactly to the right music at exactly the right timing. Need to remember tho!!

Remembering choreo is something I'm getting better at but still a bit lacking. I will definitely try again tonight :)

Humans are people who will never be satisfied easily. Rise above that. Appreciate what you have. 

Sometimes it's tough when you're busy 

Sometimes it's even tougher when you're free. It's a part of life we will go through and learn from. Focus on what's at hand and believe that you are special and you can do anything.

Don't give a fuck about others and live your own life. Remember and cherish what you have 

And I can't really be bothered to list them down one by one 

Or rather, I have participated in too many things? Hahaha 

3 camps done. 1 Australia trip 

1 more big camp to go!! Excited! 

I am attached hahahaha 

Red light in uni terms

And as much as I thought It will feel like I'm missing out on stuffs by being red light. I really believe for real that there's no guy out there better for me. 

Never met a guy equally stupid 

Equally smart 

Equally hyper

Equally ... Aware of everything.

Equally greedy with regards to food :)

And apparently he thinks I'm kind. 

That I doubt so. 

But I think we are equally compassionate. 

Either ways he won't read this hahahaha 

So my point of this post has nothing to do with all of the above 

A thought suddenly came to me and I thought it would be best if I remember it. 

There is a procedure for the application of hall stays in nus. First window, second window, third window. 

Chances are ONLY if you apply for first window you are very likely to get a room. 

For Second and third window I don't think it's for the average student like me. 

I wanted to stay in hall so bad cause I feel like I wanted to experience that very experience of a hall life. Since year 1 or sem 1 of results isn't counted :) I thought it would be good to have some hall experience at no risk. 

I quarreled with my mum who opposed during the first window. Arguments shouting and everything. Finally during the second window I got my way, I could apply for hall. I held back tho, after I argued with my mum, she said her reasons and I couldn't wrap my head around it. I didn't know what did she mean. 

And when I got rejected during the second window (hahaha) 

I was actually relieved cause I didn't have to make a decision.

It isn't that I have changed my notion. I just realised another which is of higher importance than that reason. 

This would sound cliché but yes, the reasons are my parents. 

A thought dawned onto me as I saw my mum leave for work and I remembered her coming back from work... Rushing to do housework at home. My dad too is no different, the only break time they have is dinner. 

And these two people work so hard for the family, for their children, for my education. 

What exactly do they want as reward? 

They only want a happy family. 

And what is a greater reward than working your ass off and seeing your happy children at home telling you about the little things that happened in their lives. Picture it.

Who am I to take away this little reward that they rightly deserve? 

It's this selflessness that makes me feel so bad. Their willingness to do everything for their children just so they can see you happy everyday. I on the other hand, was about to make them lose even that. 

I can't imagine the feeling of the home losing anyone for a year. I can't imagine myself coming home and realizing my sister isn't here and that she won't be for a year. That pang of loneliness might only amplify as the months pass. And I will grow distant from the very humans who have brought me life. 

It just isn't right. All these in the name of making friends and gaining an experience. 

I didn't think that I would be losing an experience in return. 

Time spent with family is always priceless and precious. There's nothing that can replace that, definitely not an experience with friends. Your parents are growing old. You can see it even tho you might not believe it. My mum's skin has become more papery that I remembered. 

Her body has shrunk and is becoming smaller than me. My mum smaller than me? Since when was that possible! My mum has always been larger than life for me. Her warm presence telling me that everything is okay. The mum whom I ran to for a hug after school, the mum who knows all my stories cause I made sure she knew :)

And I can't believe I was foolish enough not to see this before. 

But I understand now and I realise that there really isn't any value in making new friends if it means you have to sacrifice the time spent with family on a daily basis.

But because of the sheer number of people applying for hall, I'm not sure if others can understand what I mean.

I haven't been updating much cause I've really gotten quite busy and caught up in everything the past few months !!! 

First I had work which ended on 2nd may! 

During my working period I had to balance spending time with my friends my family Joshua and dance ! 

It was so hard cause every week has five days. 

Two days I HAD to eat at home because home is where the heart is. 

One day was reserved for dance to help out with clamus and Gladys item 

One or two days was for friends!! 

And one or two days was for Joshua!! 

And that's where things start to get tricky cause I can't possibly meet my "boyfriend" once every week when I'm not even studying.

At the same time, my friends are so important to me! Especially my old friends !! I always feel like time with them is so precious and irreplaceable! It makes me treasure every second. 

So I had to go through balancing everything for 2-3 months and it came to a point whereby EVERYONE was not happy with me cause I couldn't spend enough time with them. 

Like everyone was complaining and in my family's case they were scolding me which made me feel like crap.

During that period I was really really very irritated and angry and I think I probably vented to Joshua a whole lot.

It was still super fun tho!! Every second !! 

The only time I had to myself was that 15mins at 1am after settling down from all the outings etc. I always watch ellen videos for a while cause it makes me happy ! And played 2-3 rounds of candy crush! And i called it a day. Even when I'm at home and supposingly relaxing, I didn't cause my mind was focused on bonding with my family!! 

Similarly, when I'm out with my friends I don't want to use my phone!

I would check a max of 3-4 times for like 10-15 seconds each and that's all. I'll open conversations, remind myself to reply tonight and continue talking to the people around me! 

Hehehe 

Okay so I decided to post this to remind myself of what a performance was like 

Firstly, I HELPED SO MANY PEOPLE FAST CHANGE :O it's like whoa 

Okay others might not constitute 3+ as a lot! But I think it is.. Especially since I'm dancing myself for two items ! 

It's hard not to get affected too!! Like you're so focused on helping them change asap and rushing. Sometimes it's hard to focus on dancing after being flustered and knowing that you'll need to rush to help your friend later !! 

Okay so first I'll start off the show by being in my tango costume!! 

That red CAMISOLE, (which I personally feel it's a much higher class name than SPAGHETTI STRAPS) a long red skirt (which is actually quite pretty but absolutely not a good tango skirt) and safety shorts. I'll be wearing the white long sleeved top over if I feel like it~ 

I will stretch until my right is a split? Or one cm to a split 

Bloody back leg flexibility is so so so so so bad..... 

And until my chin touches the lower part of my knee on my left leg!! 

After it's done I'll do some kicks and some pathetic stretches for my back. 

And I'm done stretching !!!

I'll then go through the WHOLE choreo by marking my steps. I dk why this calms me down incredibly!! 

After I'm done then I'm all set for show!!

So after that the show will start and I'll standby at backstage to help clamus quickchange! Me and Waise help him together !!!! He was so so pitiful and empathize with him so so so so much!!!!!!! He has THREE continual performances with two fast change !!!!!! 

The amount of energy for one dance (if full out) is equal to a 2.4km run. 

Theoretically he has to run 7.2km and he can't even show his fatigue on his face cause he has to bring out the mood of each dance!! Like strong/hurt/funny/alluring etc 

And even so he didn't have a helper during his quick change :(((( 

The last practice rehearsal I saw him rushing out late it was so baad so I decided to help him!! 

Anyway I'm glad we did cause he had at least 20 seconds of breathing time!!!! Which he didn't have before that!!! 

So at least it gave him a short break so that he can perform his best!! 

So Waise will change his pants HAHAHA duh and help him wear shoes

I will change his top take out his bow tie his glasses wear hat 

Yay!!!! We worked beautifully and I'm happy! 

Somehow waiting backstage wasn't nerve wrecking too!!! It made me feel calmer cause... Idk... I can see the audience earlier while reminding myself that it is after all a regular practice whereby I will give my best no matter what!!! So it kinda steadied me! Idk how to explain.. 

The fun fact about this whole concert is that it is really a learning point for me. A breakthrough? Without the dramatic connotation to it. I feel like I really improved and gained experience!! 

Which makes me so so so happy I joined :) 

1. I FINALLY danced contemp 

Which I think It was really overly ambitious for me. Quite presumptuous of myself to think that I will be able to handle an alumni contemp piece when I have NEVER danced contemp before. 

Initially I really wanted to join just for fun. But as the days went by I realised I really wanted to join it for real. 

I never ever thought that I could match the others with my standard of dance. I just wanted to be close, or somewhere nearby. I practiced and full out every single time! Everytime I think I do badly I tried to remember everything everyone told me!! Practiced again and again!! So every step I did I really concentrated and heard their words in my head even during the performance itself! That's something I have never done for street. hahahahahaahahaha street was just based on feel and muscle memory and strength. But for contemp I had to think through every step, and think through fast. Where to stretch more, what's the accent, how to hit it. Even as I looked at the video of myself during the performance, I saw so many mistakes!!! But I saw many corrected mistakes concurrently too! I wished I knew my mistakes earlier... But it's okay I feel like I have improved!! :) and I have achieved well (hopefully). This brings me great satisfaction hehe! Plus I have also learnt how to put my emotions in contemp and show my accent at the same time!! I'm not good but I'm determined to improve! 

2. I know how a concert is like !!!!!! I am a very curious child. And that is one of my strengths (according to Daniel) 

Yes, I have been DYING to know what happens backstage!!! Always always curious. The dancers get on stage, dance full out, leave the stage and come out 1 min later with an entirely different outlook and expression!! I'm always wondering what do they say backstage? What do they do? What are their emotions? What does it feel like? Is there anyone helping them? How many? Are they tired.? Basically HOW do they do it!!!!! And I finally saw it and somewhat seen it first hand !!!!! Happy hahaha it's a cool experience! See how an entire concert play out! Such big production!! It involves more than 80 dancers!! 

And I must say the frenzied situation backstage is really crazy!!! Those that go for fast change they really desperately need as much help as possible. A lot of times it's to the point whereby they don't care anymore they just really don't want to walk on stage late. Just change in any secluded corner! Anywhere at all. ASAP. And enter the stage.!!! 

Aside from fast change another complication about dance concert is the change of mood. 

When a person dance in at least two items with different mood, you must learn to switch your mindset while on standby for next item! 

For me, while helping clamus I was rushy semi flustered. After that it's my contemp item which is tango! And the feeling is a bit proud? Sexy yet strong. High strung!!! 

During the item itself, there's a change of mood to the more expressive 

Next I will need to rush to change and calm down a bit before I help Xinyi fast change !!!!! During that period I will be a bit flustered too!! Cause there really isn't time!! 

They simply keep nagging over like every single thing 

And my mum doesn't allow me to stay hall cause it's single room and not double room. Like can't understand cause so many people already stay in it 

Anyway yesterday and the day before that was a really fun day!! 

Like super fun 

Yesterday we had BBQ at this senior house called ziyang 

It was super fun cause I haven't seen the og in so long!!!! And this time I didn't have any responsibilities with me at all so I simply jump from clique to clique and played. Like I think I was really in my own element like in school. I enjoy being in big groups and just talking to everybody. 

So like when I reached it was a little boring so I just entertained myself by talking to Eugene about dance. Then boonz wanted to join in the conver so I'm like okay but it was a bit hard hahahaha 

After that I talked to boonz for a while like about his blog and everything. It so interesting to hear people's stories. Like he wants to make his blog famous. 

Then we moved on to preparing the sotong together like putting the sambal sauce and everything and talking. I think I bitched about this person a little too much LOL like too much cause I usually don't bitch but whatever. Things really happened. 

After we were done and done playing the music hahaha

We played dai di with the freshies! It was super fun like at moments we were like omg hahaha and asshole revolution 

And my position still stayed the same LOL 

Then after that I was basically running around talking to many people like my cousin 

The day before that had Ogl meeting and watch amazing formations of ndp 

Later in going to visit them during pre camp!!!

I met Joshua in the morning and we played in the bus all the way to Vivo. Played get rich in the bus whereby I carried him to win a round and he carried me the next round. 

We played fighting game. Tickling. Talking about everything like the reflection by keppel which he talked too fast and sounded like blubblubblub 

Tickled and shoot each other 

Reached Lynn house and baked made the marshmallow thing together with Joshua. Helped Lynn a little with guidance but mildly. She baked for tikiat a peanut butter cake which turned out idk what hehe 

I played with Lynn baby cousin Xavier raymus and Corrine it was quite fun and they talked to me. And her doggies hehe 

After that I met Wilson aka my cousin LOL for dinner and sushi tei for my fantastic unagi super yummy 

Then we went to daily scoop and sat outside the mrt there to talk. He went for puff puff then we went coffee bean till we talked to 11.20pm omg from like 8pm siao. 

Me and him talked so much about the religion like history. Palestain thing and smoking and relationships. It was super fun and interesting . Sometimes I wonder if I'm a good listener or he's a good talker but he never stops talking or leading the conversation. But I guess I learn to really be more confident of myself. After S24 and Ogl for arts camp.

Don't be afraid or shy about who you are or what are your norms compared to others. Not drinking/smoking/coffee does not make you a loser. Most of the time you are a winner cause you're not dependent on these substances or require large amounts of it. 

I learnt to find back my lost determination and prepare myself to go all out when I need to with confidence. My decisions might not always be wrong or right because there really isn't wrong or right. But I can persuade people to at least respect my choices based on my reasons or thinking. Even if they disagree. 

I learnt how to find confidence and strength from within to go all out to my ability. And I am ready to study really hard next semester. Just like I'm dancing my ass off now. 

Today my stomach felt painful 

And I really wasn't sure if it was gastric, muscle ache core gas attack flu 

But I had such a fun day hehe 

Tomorrow I'm meeting Joshua in morning and Jinggy at evening and dance at night 

Looking forward too :)

Monday was spent with T4 for lunch in the afternoon then Yunhsiu at evening night and open class at night

Tuesday spent with Vernice at her house eating yogurt then dance at night 

Wednesday spent alone at home watching running man and having the time of my life + dance at night 

Thursday yesterday spent meeting radiance and HTHT for 4 straight magical hours idk how we did it at all hehe. Just talking about everything and dance at night 

Friday today is spent meeting Lynn at 3.30 in nus and then going for dance at night

Yesterday the meet up with radiance was so awesome. It's like we caught up so much and showed each other all the videos we wanted to ever. Talked about like her friends at camp and in school all the things and we really talked in depth about our lives. From religion to relationship to annoying people in the og to LBGT hehe. I loved hearing her stories in school like about the people. She could probably talk so much about them because obviously I don't know them hahaha. So different from sec sch and jc it's a different kind of friendship. And she told me what she thought of certain things too! What's best is we plan to watch high school musical hehe the next time we meet!!! So I'm excited 

Dance in general has been so fun but perhaps just yesterday it really sucks. I need to start sleeping earlier idk why I have problems sleeping. I guess it's past my bedtime hour when I start to feel like I should sleep which is 3-4. I'll need to start sleeping at 1-2 hehe thing to do tonight!!!! 

Dance then 😊 

Yesterday we learnt how to breathe while dancing. It sounds lame but many people don't know how to breathe. Most of the time people hold their breath while they dance because you're so caught up with firing strong steps for the audience. But if I learn how to breathe I think that it will really help me with my dance. To pace my dance better or to look stronger at certain steps will definitely be a great asset to have. 

Second thing, the big difference between a secondary school dance standard and a open category dance standard. It's huge. Kiko was explaining to me how the vibe of a seasoned dancer is different from the vibe of new dancers. Somehow the confidence and the ability to take ownership of the steps - to control the strength fired properly, both can be shown and can be felt. This was the trait that I was most impressed with during dance works. I saw other groups being really confident and dancing their heart out. It makes me really want to join along. Their neatness didn't matter at all cause I really stopped watching out for mistakes, I was simply trying to take in their strong all encompassing vibe. 

Next would be my usage of legs. I think it's quite a pity that my legs are really strong but I don't use it enough. One can use the strength from legs for your body and it's really two times more strength for your  body. Use legs to push your body up faster and stronger or to go down lower. Don't have lazy or murky steps especially regarding the legs because I have been picked out about it before. Legs should be picked up and should be as clear as the hands. 

Oh I learnt how to sing the song in the head alr and dance it exactly on beat. Because it's hard to listen to music and follow after that. It has to be in real time. Like I can hear the music in my mind at the exact same time as the music playing outside. Then I can dance exactly to the right music at exactly the right timing. Need to remember tho!!

Remembering choreo is something I'm getting better at but still a bit lacking. I will definitely try again tonight :)

It's so unexplainable the joy that dance brings me now. It feels like this best friend that's with me even when I'm alone. I can dance and smile freely and feel so much happiness even when I'm alone. I enjoy groove. It's tough but I feel like it embodies the true form of dance. Freedom of movement towards the music. Today the dance prac made me so happy cause there were little lines or sharp accent, just groove on its own. The dance instructor was damn damn cute like when he smiled and this is quite bad of me to say this since I have a boyfriend hahahahhahaha. Idk how to say I feel like strangers can connect through their love of this activity dance. It feels like part of my soul and my life. I really can't do a week without dancing. 

Choreographed group dancing feels so suffocating at times. It makes me love open classes cause you really don't have to care about anyone else but you and your love for dance. 

Ballet and jazz is so rigid at times. Especially for the lines and exact angle. Groove just feels so right even tho it's damn different. 

I really feel like I'm in love with this best friend I've never met. And this best friend will definitely be a lifelong friend cause I don't think I can do without it, at least for now. It is too big part of my life and it gives me too much happiness to forget about it. I really can't think of anything else I rather do but dance and maybe study occasionally. 

I really love today and I really enjoy dancing. 

Met up with a few T4 friends this afternoon too! Then met Yunhsiu for a while for dinner at standing sushi bar and some bonding. He told me about army and what they do when they train. It sounds boring but somehow the way he said it fascinated me cause I could really imagine his story in real life. Now I'm alone in the bus feeling like I'm on top of the world as the most popular person when in fact I'm not. Somehow I feel so rich even tho my wallet is empty hahhaa 

This is something I won't forget. 

Anne Hathaway says take a step back and truly love yourself for who you are. One day you can feel this sense of love and compassion for people and things around you.

I will breathe and love my life definitely 😊

Dance then 😊 

Yesterday we learnt how to breathe while dancing. It sounds lame but many people don't know how to breathe. Most of the time people hold their breath while they dance because you're so caught up with firing strong steps for the audience. But if I learn how to breathe I think that it will really help me with my dance. To pace my dance better or to look stronger at certain steps will definitely be a great asset to have. 

Second thing, the big difference between a secondary school dance standard and a open category dance standard. It's huge. Kiko was explaining to me how the vibe of a seasoned dancer is different from the vibe of new dancers. Somehow the confidence and the ability to take ownership of the steps - to control the strength fired properly, both can be shown and can be felt. This was the trait that I was most impressed with during dance works. I saw other groups being really confident and dancing their heart out. It makes me really want to join along. Their neatness didn't matter at all cause I really stopped watching out for mistakes, I was simply trying to take in their strong all encompassing vibe. 

Next would be my usage of legs. I think it's quite a pity that my legs are really strong but I don't use it enough. One can use the strength from legs for your body and it's really two times more strength for your  body. Use legs to push your body up faster and stronger or to go down lower. Don't have lazy or murky steps especially regarding the legs because I have been picked out about it before. Legs should be picked up and should be as clear as the hands. 

Oh I learnt how to sing the song in the head alr and dance it exactly on beat. Because it's hard to listen to music and follow after that. It has to be in real time. Like I can hear the music in my mind at the exact same time as the music playing outside. Then I can dance exactly to the right music at exactly the right timing. Need to remember tho!!

Remembering choreo is something I'm getting better at but still a bit lacking. I will definitely try again tonight :)

Humans are people who will never be satisfied easily. Rise above that. Appreciate what you have. 

Sometimes it's tough when you're busy 

Sometimes it's even tougher when you're free. It's a part of life we will go through and learn from. Focus on what's at hand and believe that you are special and you can do anything.

Don't give a fuck about others and live your own life. Remember and cherish what you have 

And I can't really be bothered to list them down one by one 

Or rather, I have participated in too many things? Hahaha 

3 camps done. 1 Australia trip 

1 more big camp to go!! Excited! 

I am attached hahahaha 

Red light in uni terms

And as much as I thought It will feel like I'm missing out on stuffs by being red light. I really believe for real that there's no guy out there better for me. 

Never met a guy equally stupid 

Equally smart 

Equally hyper

Equally ... Aware of everything.

Equally greedy with regards to food :)

And apparently he thinks I'm kind. 

That I doubt so. 

But I think we are equally compassionate. 

Either ways he won't read this hahahaha 

So my point of this post has nothing to do with all of the above 

A thought suddenly came to me and I thought it would be best if I remember it. 

There is a procedure for the application of hall stays in nus. First window, second window, third window. 

Chances are ONLY if you apply for first window you are very likely to get a room. 

For Second and third window I don't think it's for the average student like me. 

I wanted to stay in hall so bad cause I feel like I wanted to experience that very experience of a hall life. Since year 1 or sem 1 of results isn't counted :) I thought it would be good to have some hall experience at no risk. 

I quarreled with my mum who opposed during the first window. Arguments shouting and everything. Finally during the second window I got my way, I could apply for hall. I held back tho, after I argued with my mum, she said her reasons and I couldn't wrap my head around it. I didn't know what did she mean. 

And when I got rejected during the second window (hahaha) 

I was actually relieved cause I didn't have to make a decision.

It isn't that I have changed my notion. I just realised another which is of higher importance than that reason. 

This would sound cliché but yes, the reasons are my parents. 

A thought dawned onto me as I saw my mum leave for work and I remembered her coming back from work... Rushing to do housework at home. My dad too is no different, the only break time they have is dinner. 

And these two people work so hard for the family, for their children, for my education. 

What exactly do they want as reward? 

They only want a happy family. 

And what is a greater reward than working your ass off and seeing your happy children at home telling you about the little things that happened in their lives. Picture it.

Who am I to take away this little reward that they rightly deserve? 

It's this selflessness that makes me feel so bad. Their willingness to do everything for their children just so they can see you happy everyday. I on the other hand, was about to make them lose even that. 

I can't imagine the feeling of the home losing anyone for a year. I can't imagine myself coming home and realizing my sister isn't here and that she won't be for a year. That pang of loneliness might only amplify as the months pass. And I will grow distant from the very humans who have brought me life. 

It just isn't right. All these in the name of making friends and gaining an experience. 

I didn't think that I would be losing an experience in return. 

Time spent with family is always priceless and precious. There's nothing that can replace that, definitely not an experience with friends. Your parents are growing old. You can see it even tho you might not believe it. My mum's skin has become more papery that I remembered. 

Her body has shrunk and is becoming smaller than me. My mum smaller than me? Since when was that possible! My mum has always been larger than life for me. Her warm presence telling me that everything is okay. The mum whom I ran to for a hug after school, the mum who knows all my stories cause I made sure she knew :)

And I can't believe I was foolish enough not to see this before. 

But I understand now and I realise that there really isn't any value in making new friends if it means you have to sacrifice the time spent with family on a daily basis.

But because of the sheer number of people applying for hall, I'm not sure if others can understand what I mean.

I haven't been updating much cause I've really gotten quite busy and caught up in everything the past few months !!! 

First I had work which ended on 2nd may! 

During my working period I had to balance spending time with my friends my family Joshua and dance ! 

It was so hard cause every week has five days. 

Two days I HAD to eat at home because home is where the heart is. 

One day was reserved for dance to help out with clamus and Gladys item 

One or two days was for friends!! 

And one or two days was for Joshua!! 

And that's where things start to get tricky cause I can't possibly meet my "boyfriend" once every week when I'm not even studying.

At the same time, my friends are so important to me! Especially my old friends !! I always feel like time with them is so precious and irreplaceable! It makes me treasure every second. 

So I had to go through balancing everything for 2-3 months and it came to a point whereby EVERYONE was not happy with me cause I couldn't spend enough time with them. 

Like everyone was complaining and in my family's case they were scolding me which made me feel like crap.

During that period I was really really very irritated and angry and I think I probably vented to Joshua a whole lot.

It was still super fun tho!! Every second !! 

The only time I had to myself was that 15mins at 1am after settling down from all the outings etc. I always watch ellen videos for a while cause it makes me happy ! And played 2-3 rounds of candy crush! And i called it a day. Even when I'm at home and supposingly relaxing, I didn't cause my mind was focused on bonding with my family!! 

Similarly, when I'm out with my friends I don't want to use my phone!

I would check a max of 3-4 times for like 10-15 seconds each and that's all. I'll open conversations, remind myself to reply tonight and continue talking to the people around me! 

Hehehe 

Okay so I decided to post this to remind myself of what a performance was like 

Firstly, I HELPED SO MANY PEOPLE FAST CHANGE :O it's like whoa 

Okay others might not constitute 3+ as a lot! But I think it is.. Especially since I'm dancing myself for two items ! 

It's hard not to get affected too!! Like you're so focused on helping them change asap and rushing. Sometimes it's hard to focus on dancing after being flustered and knowing that you'll need to rush to help your friend later !! 

Okay so first I'll start off the show by being in my tango costume!! 

That red CAMISOLE, (which I personally feel it's a much higher class name than SPAGHETTI STRAPS) a long red skirt (which is actually quite pretty but absolutely not a good tango skirt) and safety shorts. I'll be wearing the white long sleeved top over if I feel like it~ 

I will stretch until my right is a split? Or one cm to a split 

Bloody back leg flexibility is so so so so so bad..... 

And until my chin touches the lower part of my knee on my left leg!! 

After it's done I'll do some kicks and some pathetic stretches for my back. 

And I'm done stretching !!!

I'll then go through the WHOLE choreo by marking my steps. I dk why this calms me down incredibly!! 

After I'm done then I'm all set for show!!

So after that the show will start and I'll standby at backstage to help clamus quickchange! Me and Waise help him together !!!! He was so so pitiful and empathize with him so so so so much!!!!!!! He has THREE continual performances with two fast change !!!!!! 

The amount of energy for one dance (if full out) is equal to a 2.4km run. 

Theoretically he has to run 7.2km and he can't even show his fatigue on his face cause he has to bring out the mood of each dance!! Like strong/hurt/funny/alluring etc 

And even so he didn't have a helper during his quick change :(((( 

The last practice rehearsal I saw him rushing out late it was so baad so I decided to help him!! 

Anyway I'm glad we did cause he had at least 20 seconds of breathing time!!!! Which he didn't have before that!!! 

So at least it gave him a short break so that he can perform his best!! 

So Waise will change his pants HAHAHA duh and help him wear shoes

I will change his top take out his bow tie his glasses wear hat 

Yay!!!! We worked beautifully and I'm happy! 

Somehow waiting backstage wasn't nerve wrecking too!!! It made me feel calmer cause... Idk... I can see the audience earlier while reminding myself that it is after all a regular practice whereby I will give my best no matter what!!! So it kinda steadied me! Idk how to explain.. 

The fun fact about this whole concert is that it is really a learning point for me. A breakthrough? Without the dramatic connotation to it. I feel like I really improved and gained experience!! 

Which makes me so so so happy I joined :) 

1. I FINALLY danced contemp 

Which I think It was really overly ambitious for me. Quite presumptuous of myself to think that I will be able to handle an alumni contemp piece when I have NEVER danced contemp before. 

Initially I really wanted to join just for fun. But as the days went by I realised I really wanted to join it for real. 

I never ever thought that I could match the others with my standard of dance. I just wanted to be close, or somewhere nearby. I practiced and full out every single time! Everytime I think I do badly I tried to remember everything everyone told me!! Practiced again and again!! So every step I did I really concentrated and heard their words in my head even during the performance itself! That's something I have never done for street. hahahahahaahahaha street was just based on feel and muscle memory and strength. But for contemp I had to think through every step, and think through fast. Where to stretch more, what's the accent, how to hit it. Even as I looked at the video of myself during the performance, I saw so many mistakes!!! But I saw many corrected mistakes concurrently too! I wished I knew my mistakes earlier... But it's okay I feel like I have improved!! :) and I have achieved well (hopefully). This brings me great satisfaction hehe! Plus I have also learnt how to put my emotions in contemp and show my accent at the same time!! I'm not good but I'm determined to improve! 

2. I know how a concert is like !!!!!! I am a very curious child. And that is one of my strengths (according to Daniel) 

Yes, I have been DYING to know what happens backstage!!! Always always curious. The dancers get on stage, dance full out, leave the stage and come out 1 min later with an entirely different outlook and expression!! I'm always wondering what do they say backstage? What do they do? What are their emotions? What does it feel like? Is there anyone helping them? How many? Are they tired.? Basically HOW do they do it!!!!! And I finally saw it and somewhat seen it first hand !!!!! Happy hahaha it's a cool experience! See how an entire concert play out! Such big production!! It involves more than 80 dancers!! 

And I must say the frenzied situation backstage is really crazy!!! Those that go for fast change they really desperately need as much help as possible. A lot of times it's to the point whereby they don't care anymore they just really don't want to walk on stage late. Just change in any secluded corner! Anywhere at all. ASAP. And enter the stage.!!! 

Aside from fast change another complication about dance concert is the change of mood. 

When a person dance in at least two items with different mood, you must learn to switch your mindset while on standby for next item! 

For me, while helping clamus I was rushy semi flustered. After that it's my contemp item which is tango! And the feeling is a bit proud? Sexy yet strong. High strung!!! 

During the item itself, there's a change of mood to the more expressive 

Next I will need to rush to change and calm down a bit before I help Xinyi fast change !!!!! During that period I will be a bit flustered too!! Cause there really isn't time!! 

Amanda
Andrea
Andrew
Azrina
Camellia
Cheryl
Chingwei
Chuxuan
Chloe
Daniel
Jason
Jeidy
Jiayi
Jieling
Jingci
Jingwen
Jodie
Joey
Jolene
Karmen
Keita
Keni
Lin
Liyin
lucy
Lynn
Madeline
Minghui
Muntat
Munyee
Nicole
Pearlyn
Pearlyn senior
Rachel
Radiance
Rebecca
Reine
Regena
sebastian
Shuyun
Siewyi
Simin
Siumin
Sin yi
Vernice
Weijun
Winnie
Xavier
Yukei
Zoey