I feel like I've dumb myself down lately cause there's nothing else to think about besides doing worthless naval gazing...

But I don't have the deep mode now hahahahaha 

No point to prove. No story to say. 

Perhaps a point to prove but don't know how to say?

I think I've reached a point in my life that I am able to see based on a guy's character and behavior whether I can find myself being with that person. Like within a week I can predict with super sonic eyes. *power* *pewpewpew*

The reason why I have been or why I avoided getting close to a guy who wants to be more than friends...

 (For guys I don't have feelings for.)

Is probably cause I know that no matter what.. Even if I 'fall' for the person it will eventually lead to a break up. 

I mean all my 3 exes had this same problem. I should probably learn by now how to stop myself from getting hurt. 

Cause silly me thought that after 6months+ of chasing... The comfort I felt from the guy was love. 

And getting into relationship blahblah. 

And then I realised it wasn't love. 

Being the kind and awesome and self sacrificing person I am I would torture myself and make myself fall for the person or just remain with the person until another problem crops up.

Which lead to my break ups

One engaged in slashing

Another one threatened to kill himself

Which obviously can't continue.

But even before that breaking point I knew I wouldn't last long with the person.

My point is that I have met many guys who wants to get close to me cause they are interested in me. 

And then just when I get closer to them... They think that i give them false hope. and They abandon me cause I don't have romantic feelings for them.

OR 

These guys that I originally don't have romantic feelings for.. Chase me until I deceive myself into thinking that I do. The person becomes an irrevocable part of my life.

And then problems come and the chasm deepens. Week after week cracks resurface. And then I break up with the person again after months of tears from both parties. Or a year for that matter. 

So to protect myself from the possibility of feeling hurt... I will just choose to be cold to the person before my relationship with the person grows. Before the person creates a dependency on me and find each other irreplaceable. Before hurt gets magnified many months later. 

I am afraid to enter a failing relationship. 

One which both parties will get hurt. Or I will be abandoned. 

And this is why I'm very cold to people who get close to me to be more than friends. 

On the flip side

I have experienced the feeling of getting ignored. Trust me rejection feels like knives stabbing into your heart. It can entirely consume your mind and soul such that you feel like you hit rock bottom. Every second you feel like crap and nothing will ever make you forget. 

So now I'm the nice person who will be nice to whoever is talking to me. 

Trying to draw a line within the grey areas.

Of course it's a total different story for guys I have feelings for first~~~

For everyone out there. The person you want to be with... 

Must be as close to you as your best friend.

Don't make the same mistakes I did.

The person can even be your best friend. 

It is near impossible to be with someone who you are not mentally close to and only feel this attraction towards ... Cause when the real problems come you will realise a breakdown in communication. 

Disagreements will lead to quarrels or silence. And if it continues you will find yourself feeling depressed cause you're stuck with someone who's totally unable to understand you. 

Relationships are always sugarcoated. 

Dramas and movies make it to be the best thing that can ever happen to a person. 

Well then heart break is the worst thing that can ever happen to a person lol. 

I have come to a conclusion that heart break is worse than the passing of a loved one.

Typed this before~ 

In death, the person leaves you loving you.

In heartbreak, the person leave you cause he doesn't want you. 

That's just how cut throat reality is. 

You see the person you have feelings for lead a happier life away from you. 

But always remember that we have many years to live. Many people to meet. Many experiences to encounter. 

Sometimes I'm worried I won't find a partner. But look at the people around... Do you see someone you can live with for the rest of your life right now?

If you don't, then there's no sense of loss cause being alone is always better than being with people you can't live with.

Plus we are only 18 :) 

In uni there's another 4 years to go!!!! 

In any case, 

Don't regret any actions any feelings any experiences.. Cause at that point of them that was your mentality and what you wanted. All these have shaped you into the person you are today. Whether you are the person you will be proud of is entirely up to you.

That being said, always make decisions and Choose what you want taking in account the consequences and never regret it!

I feel like I've dumb myself down lately cause there's nothing else to think about besides doing worthless naval gazing...

But I don't have the deep mode now hahahahaha 

No point to prove. No story to say. 

Perhaps a point to prove but don't know how to say?

I think I've reached a point in my life that I am able to see based on a guy's character and behavior whether I can find myself being with that person. Like within a week I can predict with super sonic eyes. *power* *pewpewpew*

The reason why I have been or why I avoided getting close to a guy who wants to be more than friends...

 (For guys I don't have feelings for.)

Is probably cause I know that no matter what.. Even if I 'fall' for the person it will eventually lead to a break up. 

I mean all my 3 exes had this same problem. I should probably learn by now how to stop myself from getting hurt. 

Cause silly me thought that after 6months+ of chasing... The comfort I felt from the guy was love. 

And getting into relationship blahblah. 

And then I realised it wasn't love. 

Being the kind and awesome and self sacrificing person I am I would torture myself and make myself fall for the person or just remain with the person until another problem crops up.

Which lead to my break ups

One engaged in slashing

Another one threatened to kill himself

Which obviously can't continue.

But even before that breaking point I knew I wouldn't last long with the person.

My point is that I have met many guys who wants to get close to me cause they are interested in me. 

And then just when I get closer to them... They think that i give them false hope. and They abandon me cause I don't have romantic feelings for them.

OR 

These guys that I originally don't have romantic feelings for.. Chase me until I deceive myself into thinking that I do. The person becomes an irrevocable part of my life.

And then problems come and the chasm deepens. Week after week cracks resurface. And then I break up with the person again after months of tears from both parties. Or a year for that matter. 

So to protect myself from the possibility of feeling hurt... I will just choose to be cold to the person before my relationship with the person grows. Before the person creates a dependency on me and find each other irreplaceable. Before hurt gets magnified many months later. 

I am afraid to enter a failing relationship. 

One which both parties will get hurt. Or I will be abandoned. 

And this is why I'm very cold to people who get close to me to be more than friends. 

On the flip side

I have experienced the feeling of getting ignored. Trust me rejection feels like knives stabbing into your heart. It can entirely consume your mind and soul such that you feel like you hit rock bottom. Every second you feel like crap and nothing will ever make you forget. 

So now I'm the nice person who will be nice to whoever is talking to me. 

Trying to draw a line within the grey areas.

Of course it's a total different story for guys I have feelings for first~~~

For everyone out there. The person you want to be with... 

Must be as close to you as your best friend.

Don't make the same mistakes I did.

The person can even be your best friend. 

It is near impossible to be with someone who you are not mentally close to and only feel this attraction towards ... Cause when the real problems come you will realise a breakdown in communication. 

Disagreements will lead to quarrels or silence. And if it continues you will find yourself feeling depressed cause you're stuck with someone who's totally unable to understand you. 

Relationships are always sugarcoated. 

Dramas and movies make it to be the best thing that can ever happen to a person. 

Well then heart break is the worst thing that can ever happen to a person lol. 

I have come to a conclusion that heart break is worse than the passing of a loved one.

Typed this before~ 

In death, the person leaves you loving you.

In heartbreak, the person leave you cause he doesn't want you. 

That's just how cut throat reality is. 

You see the person you have feelings for lead a happier life away from you. 

But always remember that we have many years to live. Many people to meet. Many experiences to encounter. 

Sometimes I'm worried I won't find a partner. But look at the people around... Do you see someone you can live with for the rest of your life right now?

If you don't, then there's no sense of loss cause being alone is always better than being with people you can't live with.

Plus we are only 18 :) 

In uni there's another 4 years to go!!!! 

In any case, 

Don't regret any actions any feelings any experiences.. Cause at that point of them that was your mentality and what you wanted. All these have shaped you into the person you are today. Whether you are the person you will be proud of is entirely up to you.

That being said, always make decisions and Choose what you want taking in account the consequences and never regret it!

Amanda
Andrea
Andrew
Azrina
Camellia
Cheryl
Chingwei
Chuxuan
Chloe
Daniel
Jason
Jeidy
Jiayi
Jieling
Jingci
Jingwen
Jodie
Joey
Jolene
Karmen
Keita
Keni
Lin
Liyin
lucy
Lynn
Madeline
Minghui
Muntat
Munyee
Nicole
Pearlyn
Pearlyn senior
Rachel
Radiance
Rebecca
Reine
Regena
sebastian
Shuyun
Siewyi
Simin
Siumin
Sin yi
Vernice
Weijun
Winnie
Xavier
Yukei
Zoey