I was so upset yesterday 

I think I'm the only 18 year old teen who is upset over this. 

I'm upset over a lack of purpose in my life. 

Why yehlin why. 

Why your life is so good you're still upset. 

I really didn't understand myself

But then I think that the plus point to having all these strange emotions is that at least I'm aware of how others might feel one day in their lives. 

I should add tho. 

I WAS upset 

My sister is just.....

So .....

She gave me a hug

My sister who NEVER ever touches me. 

Who never ever talks about feelings to me. 

She asked me why I was upset last night. 

And I told her I felt like there's nothing there for me. 

I don't know if people reading this can understand what I mean. I mean I don't even understand it myself LOL

In the past there was always something to fuel me. 

But now that there's nothing... I just feel at loss. 

Sometimes I'm jealous of people with a religion cause they know what they want to do. And they have an extra security around them. Like they know that are loved and protected through time and space. 

But then again. 

I treat everything as an experience to grow and learn. 

This was an interesting experience. 

I never really thought I could be so upset over it. 

Anyways 

My sister told me that 

Our purpose in life is to be happy. 

Do things that make you happy. At different stages of our lives it changes. But the bottom line is always to live life to our fullest and happiest. With no regrets. 

And she gave me a hug after that.

I reeeeally wanted to cry there an then.

Somehow when someone hits bullseye I will just want to cry. Especially after she hugged me. 

My dad told me something else too. 

He told me a way is to set goals for myself. 

Find out what I want to achieve for myself . Aside from the typical norms like good results good job blah blah blah. 

Have aims to spice up my life. 

Make life more fulfilling for me. 

After I have achieved what I set myself up to.. Bask in the happiness of success cause I deserve it. 

Being aimlessly looking for direction isn't the answer. 

And I am so glad I was guided by them

Sometimes I do think I'm ignorant.

I think I know more than others. 

Which I know it's really silly sometimes. 

Everyone experiences different things in their lives. Everyone see things differently. 

Who am I to undermine their maturity. 

Many things I'm learning everyday. 

Which makes me feel a bit happy hehe 

Anyways 

To take up their suggestion

I decided to have a list of things I set myself up to do. 

And I shall type this even tho I'm so groggy right now

1. Go jogging 3 times a week. 3km each time. 

2. Be able to split both sides fully. Almost full center split. And proper bridge by the time uni starts. 

3. Finish reading up on the history notes 

4. Read up on the background of different religions. 

5. Join back dance classes maaaybe contemp/street 

6. Go volunteering at least 3 times. 

7. A job :D 

Hehe okay that's it for now

If I am able to attain all by the time school starts again I will be so happy!!!

Seeing skin care doctor tomorrow FINALLY LOL after 1 month of holiday? 

I didn't want to spend my parents money ....

But it's seriously taking too long to heal and the scars aren't pretty... 

Okay and I'm meeting Jon Jing xav tomorrow for sleepover !! We go ecp then Jon house! 

31 SING KARAOKE with family I'm SUPER excited LOL 

1st MEET COUSINS for good foood!!!! And SHOPPING (tho I can't shop)

2nd lunch with a friend and time to start doing things that I set out to do! Og outing...?

3rd DANNY!!!! 

4th 4M girls and Christmas exchange!!

5th dance choreo item!!

6th PREPARE FOR TAIWAAAAN!!!

oh ya something that made me happy

I'm almost done helping my junior choreograph for NYJC dance concert !!! 

So happy so happy happy 

I'm scared if it's not very nice!!!

So I will keep editing it when I can in my mind and when I'm free!!! 

It's hard to picture one human times 13 LOL but I shall do what I can ^^ 

I'm Nervous but we have 3 heads put together. I'm just very sccared to show Bryan LOL 

Ok bye!!!! Excited for tomorrow!!

This was a message I wrote to a friend

WHILE I WAS IN BANGKOK OKAY

It took me 30 grand minutes to type this text out !!!! 

I added many examples but I needed to edit it out if not I will reveal the identity of my friend. 

So here's three quarters of the message I sent :D 

My friend asked me "how to make someone feel better." Like asked me to teach her how to help people feel better. 

I figured it was rather important so Im posting it here too ^^

TAA daaaa!!!! :

Haha okay that was the message I sent to my friend !!!!! Bye!!!!!!

hahahhaha

But I'm happy

Preparing to meet the gays now

My eyes are so itchy

I'm super happy these days cause I've found happiness while depending on the right people

Bangkok was an awesome awesome awesome experience

Not just cause I shopped a lot

Okay maybe it's that too

But the real reason is I needed a getaway.

To clear my mind

And what better place man? 

We didn't go by tour so it wasn't rushed and we weren't stuck with a particular group of people.

I saw beggars. Girls with scars. People desperate to sell.

After that I wondered to myself ... 

My problems seemed so much more insignificant to theirs

It's horrible that I had to see this comparison to feel like I have something.

But sometimes things are just .....

Everyone measures happiness differently~

Okay so much to blog about

Meeting the gays now 

Happy hehe

It's strange cause everytime I'm really happy I feel so consumed by happiness I totally lost my mood to post

And everytime I feel sad I don't like posting when I'm sad 

Now I'm feeling neutral I guess 

Going to Bangkok soon

Honestly I rather stay in Singapore~

Meet friends in Singapore

But ah wells travelling overseas can always be a good getaway. 

On 11dec after my puking fiesta on 10 dec I went to meet yx haze Jon for supper!!!!!

I was late. Omg I'm always late and I feel horrible about it. OKAY MUST CHANGE!

Anyways 

Yes I was so happy to meet them cause each of them are so close to me and I had HTHT sessions with each of them

I practically skipped to their table. :D

The good thing about woodlands buddies is that they remind me of gay okay. Perhaps less tense than gay okay.

But real similar

Conversations that spring up in silence are always really random. They say things off the top of their head. And it's not insensitive or bad. 

Ver told me about freeing sg and Voon told me about paintball RIGHT OPPOSITE HER HOUSE 

so I can't wait to sleepover with them and go for both. It will be forever one of my happy memories cause I love each one of them very much. Except Sean HAHAHAHAHA but that's another story~

Went Jon house after that to lepak for a while.

Me and Jon had to teach dear hazel and yx BRIDGE

no 18 year old ain't gonna get away without knowing bridge

It's like a SOCIAL NORMMM

And yx was like "the day has come when I finally learn bridge"

I mean 1215 have played PLEEEENTY of times. Through all the sleepovers. And he skipped through ALL. By wearing high heels while we play LOL or just choosing to do anything else

The time was getting real real late and even tho I feel happy around them.. I started to get real real worried

My dad was falling ill with my puking illness so he couldn't drive me home from woodlands. And if I miss the last train I'm screwed~ 

Jonny was surprisingly? (Or not so surprisingly) aware of my change in mood. Real fast. 

So we had our last game and the win I had with Jon aka the only other person who know how to plaaay LOL was good.

After that...

WE RAN FOR MY LAST TRAIN LOL

Damn yx and hazel could take buses home~

And Jon sent me off to the mrt

So while waiting for the bus that never came. We talked talked talked

And realised something was amiss LOL 

No bus was gonna come and we RAAAAAN for last train

Which I seriously took the last train as well as the last lrt

And I saw the SHUTTERS CLOSING RIGHT AFTER I STEPPED OUT OF THE STATION!! 

Cooooooooooooool. It was as if someone was waiting for me to leave. 

And I felt like a boss for 10 seconds 8)

The next day!!!

Met radiance and vernice !!!!!

Two girls who are close to me. 

Ver is a duh. But radiance was close to me in sec 4 !!! 

The interesting part about me and vernice friendship is that we are sisters sort of.

Will never forget that day Alevel period me and her just laze on her sofa. 

Didn't talk for quite a few seconds

It was never awkward. 

Both of us were either thinking... Or not thinking at all LOL 

And the good part about the friendship is like siblings... We are not afraid to express our opinions. Even when it's not agreeable. There's no fear that we wouldnt be accepted by the other no matter what we say. And I know she think through things too. Consider all perspectives. 

So in this case I'm glad to be proven wrong ^^

Hahaha aaaanyways 

We had lotsa fun!!!! 

Watched Sherlock Holmes. 

Me and rad were really into the movie like our hearts were beating fast for the movie.

Ver seemed like she was gonna fall asleep.. LOL but she perked up when I gave her my favourite greentea biscuit.

Damn the biscuit tastes always damn good to me. As if multiple damns is effective in emphasizing my point~

Then we lepaked and talked and draw lots for 4m girls Christmas exchangeeee

Budget five bucks~

I will probably do something DIYish~ 

After that I tried to help radiance solve her problemmn on the journey out. 

It wasn't my area of expertise~ 

Having confidence and smoothness~

But it was for a guy~

Met Daniel after that

He's a brother to me

And I really really really love him too!!!!!!!!

I felt so happy to be meeting ver rad dan in one day. 

Daniel is just a replica of me

Like really 

Our interests in debates. Political science..? And our lameness and quirkiness. Mentality. humor. Compassion is equal.? 

Basically everything is the same 

Once I met him I felt like giving him a hug 

But then I realised we were different gender DAMN!!!

Hahahahahaha #idiots 

Daniel say things assuming I already knew about them. All the debates situation Snow-den, 9-11, North Korea. So I would really lose out if Google wasn't my friend. It wouldn't be fun debating with a blur person. 

I was glad I could stand my ground. ^^ 

Our gaps in knowledge complemented each other. So he told me new stuffs just like I told him too.!

Apparently it's a norm in his class to debate. That's why he's so used to it. 

He calls it expressing your opinions while respecting others. 

That's prooobably the difference between arts and science classes. 

In science you really have a direct answer. 

But in arts.. There's never right or wrong. It's more of training your persuasiveness..? How do you prove you're right etc

And that is what any normal science student will say when explaining about the polarity within a pool of students.

And he's like "no that's not exactly true"

Science isn't as direct in the real world

Currently what all students are uselessly studying is data itself. 

But as you advance in science... We realise that in reality Experiment results, data can be obtained easily. With technology and advanced equipments. The inference of the data matters a lot too.. It's basically the crux of the problem.

The number of assumptions and loopholes in science is aplenty even tho it's not made aware to us.

And he gave me examples of loopholes~~

Yeap cool conversation to some, boring to others. 

Of course Danny told me about less intense stuffs. He told me how was his prom~ which was entirely different from my prom experience even tho we are in the SAME school. 

It's always interesting. 

They are more exposed to drinking clubbing etc. wild stuffs can happen so easily. Which thankfully didn't~

Mine was just a homely gathering with my class. Extreeeemely different. 

It just dawned on me that blogging is really healthy~

Haha anyway both of us separated around 10.30pm and we were kinda like awwww man. But both happy nevertheless :D 

Like I wasn't tired enough. 

On my way home I called Gladys about the dance stuffs~

And then after washing up DARRIN SAMUEL YUNHSIU decided to FaceTime me hahahaha

Why me? I have no idea. They probably knew my sleeping time was as awry as theirs. 

It was funny even tho I was damn sleepy. 

They were being stupidly fun and I just felt like insulting them cause it's fun too. 

And as usual they are all 

ALISHAN ALLISHAN HAHA 

YOU ALL WANT GO THERE DIE GO AHEAD I WILL CELEBRATE AND LEAD YOUR FUNERAL WITH THE BIGGEST SMILE ON MY FACE. 

HAHAHAHA

And Yunhsiu HAD to pull down Samuel pants. SERIOUSSSLY hahahha

Dudes even tho you don't treat me as a girl. Seeing Samuels disgusting ass is as good as making me lose my appetite for weeks. I will be reduced to a bag of bones then!

It was fun tho. They crazily left Darrin house at 2am. Samuel might as well stay over~

Talking to half drunk Darrin reminded me of talking to half drunk yongxiang. 

Hehe. But we still had our conversaaation~ 

I wish you all the best bro *brofist*

The next daay!!!!

Went out with X 

It was fun~~ doing our usual stuffs 

It felt nice having only both of us there. 

His words for me only and mine was for him.

But NO! Haha no feelings kays~ 

So gay acting like a singer in Daiso. Hahahaha and being his usual gayness. 

Conversation flowed and laughed throughout the entire day. Or as I counted 7 hours? Felt tired for moments but that's fine~ I had a crazy three days!

It felt nice hearing his solutions to all my problems. Perspectives always so different from others. Confidence came naturally. Things that only he could think of as solutions.

When I tried explaining my thoughts I asked if he got it. And he joked around and said yes he got it. And I knew he did~

We talked about childhood. Past memories. Daily activities. 

It was nice but draining.

At the end i didn't even realise my feet were hurting from my shoe :O

Hahaha but nevertheless always good to go out with someone close to you!

Saturday and Sunday aka today I spent at home !!!!

Need to pack my bag and need to recuperate ! My appetite hasn't been awesome lately perhaps still suffering from the after effects of my vomiting fiasco. I really can't risk falling sick in Bangkok which is something I'm really prone to when i have prolonged periods of fun!!! Making Lynn's present meanwhile too!!!

Hehe a really long post but happy one. 

Goooodbye!!!! 

Be kind to one another~ Ellen words. 

And find joy in what you possess !

I am sick. 

And I am so sian that I am sick

Why am I always sick when I have so much to doooo

Need to do Lynn's present. 

Help choreo 

2 og outings

Complete my teachers card.

Write a letter to ms chia. 

Pack my table.

Write notes to ogms.

And my schedule is packed like crazy

Heeeeelp meeeeeeeeee

Okay instead of whining here I should get down and do it right.

But I'm so so so overwhelmed. 

And my fantastic stomach isn't helping me. 

I feel fine. Like no fever and stuff. A bit of body ache but otherwise I'm good.

My stomach just feels paaaaain

And I cancelled my meeting with dancers today. 

I wanted to meet Daniel for dinner!!! Miss our conversations so much. Hopefully I will feel better to go. But I don't trust myself to eat anything when I'm with him. I mean seriously... Puking my entire lunch and dinner yesterday does not feel good. Hopefully my lunch today will be okay .....

Then I wanna go supper with haz Jon yx Sean Voon. But that I know I will definitely not eat at ALLL cause they are eating prattaaaaaa. I mean even when I'm well I don't like prata. 

My mum just walked past me and she's holding a bucket too. 

It's kinda funny how both of are tied to buckets now. 

Okay I should get down to things already!!! 

Come lets do this !!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~

During the walking around taking of photos I suddenly felt worried that I wouldn't see the gays. Cause after all they were an important part of my jc life. Significant. And when I saw them I was like yay!!!!!! Haha super happy and played with them!!!! They were like see your back see your back hahaha and I realised I have been slouching quite a bit which is really baaad. Kaien and other girls touched my back a lot too LOL and my friend sprayed this pretty sparkly powder on my back ... And this only resulted in 2 small lumps like pimples on my back the next day hahaha nuuuuu!

Quite a pity that Ranice and Samantha didn't come tho. Wish they were there. 

I thought It was strange that it became normal for guys to put his hand around the girls shoulder and the girl will put her hand around the guys waist during a photo. Initially I was like whut and I only did it to closer guys. But eventually everyone did it LOL that it became a norm!!! I mean if you think of it conservatively it's a half hug. And I really dislike any contact with guys I'm not close with. Haha but ah well I guess it's all part of growing up!!!! 

~~~~~~~~~ 

Wa this post have been prolonged so many days LOL at least 3.? 

But I am determined to post about prom!!!!! Haha super determined !!! 

Where was I.....? 

Yes. I felt really really flattered when guys praised me about my outfit. I don't know what to say.... Or I didn't know what to say... I mean last prom I asked my boyfriend if I looked okay. But this prom guys told me I look good. Even just now 1hr ago I bumped into my neighbour (whom I had a crush on in pri 3 LOL) and he said my hair looked really nice. Like others who dyed their hair some not as nice but mine was nice. And I'm like... I really don't know what to do or say except smile. I can't even say thank you cause in my mind I just don't believe they are referring to me. 

It's the same with feelings... If someone has feelings for me I can't get over the initial shock and it will take me ages to believe it's actually me they are referring to. Then it would take me months to wonder what to do how should I behave so as to react in the kindest way possible considering both in the short run and long run. Options are always if I should continue getting close and stab in the end. Or allow drifting further to let feelings be forgotten. Or make my stand clear from the start.. Well for starters I have a problem now..................

I just hate the fact that when the guy tries to jio then they will get super close and when they realise it's unsuccessful they can just dump the friendship. 

And I'm just left there taken for a ride. 

I hate I hate I hate it. And it made me so upset the past few weeks or months.

I don't blame the guy though.... I get what the other party thinks. How the person need to get away to salvage whatever that's left of himself. At least that happened for me. 

I just really dislike the whole situation.

Haha okay I should stop the pessimism. 

Took a few photos. I bumped into Daniel too!! And I miss talking and playing with him so much. Meeting him tomorrow to play hahaha probably gonna have a debate. I like debates. First few mini adventures into political science. 

Chances are he knows a lot more than me. So it's learning time tomorrow too. 

Skip past all the displays of affection. I understand why they do that tho... The longing to profess your love on a special day. Haha surprisingly it didn't make me feel unhappy or lonely.. I just really felt happy for them and that's it. 

After the whole thing I said bye to my loves and left with the class to go back to gorgeous Fullerton.!!!!!!!!!

It is so damn pretty the night view and morning view. Especially the "sunrise" 

There wasn't much of a sun to observe but we saw cloud change color from black to blue and orange. The guys told me I missed the best part tho~ damn you guys grrrrrr haha but I was still happy to be there watching the scene... It was so picturesque I was absolutely in love with it. Couldn't believe something so gorgeous could be seen in Singapore tho. Normally you would expect this beauty to be from another country~ 

Posted the photo almost everywhere LOL waiting to post on insta tomorrow or tonight!! 

Then we played Indian poker

Hahahahahahahahaha

Okay the whole thing was so funny I don't even know how to start. 

We were having such a great great time in the hotel room for 6 hours laughing out loud non stop surrounded by pillows and I had my AWESOME buckweed pillow made of beans. Okay it's damn comfortable with bed to lean on and sofa and the carpeted floor felt good too. 

Drinking games was so funny. Alvin was absolutely drunk. Like really bad. 

Initially it was okay... Like he stuttered a bit and a bit unstable. 

But we played Indian poker and he was too fun not to sabo. All of us shouting CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE! Then we must "shhhhhhhhh" cause scared kena chased out. And after a while we kinda forgot and started shouting again or cheering and I would boo at whichever ppidiot that lie to me. And A LOT of idiots lie to me! I so fun to bully meh?!??!?!

And my luck with cards was damn bad. Obviously the girls will help each other non stop cause girls protect girls. So when I got the lowest card Val was like "change" and I changed... And.... I got the lowest again. And changed. And changed. And changed. And changed. I think it was 4 times when she just gave up LOL not that I blame her I kinda accepted my fate to drink by then~ 

What a bad yehlin. 

I do have many regrets about As 

And I tell myself if my results ain't very good I will retake with much more focus and determination than I have ever put into anything in my life

But for now 

It's just waititing for the results. 

I'm at a crossroad too cuz even if I do acceptably well

I have no idea what I should take

I know I have an interest in political science. 

But after all. It's an arts degree.

I don't know enough specifics for the course. All I know is I can't do arts for nuts. I can't structure my words as well as others. 

So I guess everything is just waiting for the results. 

I have a slight fever now from playing too much LOL

Strange but true

I'm either with friends with family or reading. 

My addiction towards reading is something that really surprises me. Once I start I really can't stop. 

And I kinda started LOL

My nights have been to...

Let's just read one chapter.

And then it never stops. 

Next day I wake up so sleep deprived.

I'm such a child

I have so many tasks at hand. 

Luckily most completed. 

Organise og outing. That's really not easy...

Make mr chew compiled card from the class. 

Prepare for prom. Which I'm proud to say I've almost completed except for the dying of my hair tomorrow 

Red <3 dip dye 

So excited and happy to dye hahaha

Graduation cards for my class girls and some of my class guys. 

And Lynn's birthday. 

For the past two years I spent a lot of effort into vernice birthday. 

And none into Lynn's birthday. 

It makes me feel horrible. 

And it's worse knowing that she forgives me anyway. 

Radiance birthday too. 

The only person whose birthday I really focused on was vernice LOL

Oh yeah and Christmas exchange.

And job. 

Really want a day care job but I'm not sure if there are any vacancies.

I should start calling and finding out.

But I feel so overwhelmed by my tasks at hand I don't exactly know how to start. 

Lynn keeps telling me she don't know what to do for her birthday 

Thank god I'm meeting her later to finally ask her to finalise her plans so that I can finalise mine.

Very happy to meet Lynn and vernice later and I'm going there with a cold ????

Haha sorry for the lack of ambitious words in this post. 

Tired but happy. 

At peace ? 

I have decided to leave affairs of the heart in the hands of fate. 

Somehow that gives me bliss. 

Maybe the right guy is around me now?

Maybe the right guy hasn't come ? 

All I know is I haven't really seen him yet. 

Hehe okay!!! Bye !!!!!

I was so upset yesterday 

I think I'm the only 18 year old teen who is upset over this. 

I'm upset over a lack of purpose in my life. 

Why yehlin why. 

Why your life is so good you're still upset. 

I really didn't understand myself

But then I think that the plus point to having all these strange emotions is that at least I'm aware of how others might feel one day in their lives. 

I should add tho. 

I WAS upset 

My sister is just.....

So .....

She gave me a hug

My sister who NEVER ever touches me. 

Who never ever talks about feelings to me. 

She asked me why I was upset last night. 

And I told her I felt like there's nothing there for me. 

I don't know if people reading this can understand what I mean. I mean I don't even understand it myself LOL

In the past there was always something to fuel me. 

But now that there's nothing... I just feel at loss. 

Sometimes I'm jealous of people with a religion cause they know what they want to do. And they have an extra security around them. Like they know that are loved and protected through time and space. 

But then again. 

I treat everything as an experience to grow and learn. 

This was an interesting experience. 

I never really thought I could be so upset over it. 

Anyways 

My sister told me that 

Our purpose in life is to be happy. 

Do things that make you happy. At different stages of our lives it changes. But the bottom line is always to live life to our fullest and happiest. With no regrets. 

And she gave me a hug after that.

I reeeeally wanted to cry there an then.

Somehow when someone hits bullseye I will just want to cry. Especially after she hugged me. 

My dad told me something else too. 

He told me a way is to set goals for myself. 

Find out what I want to achieve for myself . Aside from the typical norms like good results good job blah blah blah. 

Have aims to spice up my life. 

Make life more fulfilling for me. 

After I have achieved what I set myself up to.. Bask in the happiness of success cause I deserve it. 

Being aimlessly looking for direction isn't the answer. 

And I am so glad I was guided by them

Sometimes I do think I'm ignorant.

I think I know more than others. 

Which I know it's really silly sometimes. 

Everyone experiences different things in their lives. Everyone see things differently. 

Who am I to undermine their maturity. 

Many things I'm learning everyday. 

Which makes me feel a bit happy hehe 

Anyways 

To take up their suggestion

I decided to have a list of things I set myself up to do. 

And I shall type this even tho I'm so groggy right now

1. Go jogging 3 times a week. 3km each time. 

2. Be able to split both sides fully. Almost full center split. And proper bridge by the time uni starts. 

3. Finish reading up on the history notes 

4. Read up on the background of different religions. 

5. Join back dance classes maaaybe contemp/street 

6. Go volunteering at least 3 times. 

7. A job :D 

Hehe okay that's it for now

If I am able to attain all by the time school starts again I will be so happy!!!

Seeing skin care doctor tomorrow FINALLY LOL after 1 month of holiday? 

I didn't want to spend my parents money ....

But it's seriously taking too long to heal and the scars aren't pretty... 

Okay and I'm meeting Jon Jing xav tomorrow for sleepover !! We go ecp then Jon house! 

31 SING KARAOKE with family I'm SUPER excited LOL 

1st MEET COUSINS for good foood!!!! And SHOPPING (tho I can't shop)

2nd lunch with a friend and time to start doing things that I set out to do! Og outing...?

3rd DANNY!!!! 

4th 4M girls and Christmas exchange!!

5th dance choreo item!!

6th PREPARE FOR TAIWAAAAN!!!

oh ya something that made me happy

I'm almost done helping my junior choreograph for NYJC dance concert !!! 

So happy so happy happy 

I'm scared if it's not very nice!!!

So I will keep editing it when I can in my mind and when I'm free!!! 

It's hard to picture one human times 13 LOL but I shall do what I can ^^ 

I'm Nervous but we have 3 heads put together. I'm just very sccared to show Bryan LOL 

Ok bye!!!! Excited for tomorrow!!

This was a message I wrote to a friend

WHILE I WAS IN BANGKOK OKAY

It took me 30 grand minutes to type this text out !!!! 

I added many examples but I needed to edit it out if not I will reveal the identity of my friend. 

So here's three quarters of the message I sent :D 

My friend asked me "how to make someone feel better." Like asked me to teach her how to help people feel better. 

I figured it was rather important so Im posting it here too ^^

TAA daaaa!!!! :

Haha okay that was the message I sent to my friend !!!!! Bye!!!!!!

hahahhaha

But I'm happy

Preparing to meet the gays now

My eyes are so itchy

I'm super happy these days cause I've found happiness while depending on the right people

Bangkok was an awesome awesome awesome experience

Not just cause I shopped a lot

Okay maybe it's that too

But the real reason is I needed a getaway.

To clear my mind

And what better place man? 

We didn't go by tour so it wasn't rushed and we weren't stuck with a particular group of people.

I saw beggars. Girls with scars. People desperate to sell.

After that I wondered to myself ... 

My problems seemed so much more insignificant to theirs

It's horrible that I had to see this comparison to feel like I have something.

But sometimes things are just .....

Everyone measures happiness differently~

Okay so much to blog about

Meeting the gays now 

Happy hehe

It's strange cause everytime I'm really happy I feel so consumed by happiness I totally lost my mood to post

And everytime I feel sad I don't like posting when I'm sad 

Now I'm feeling neutral I guess 

Going to Bangkok soon

Honestly I rather stay in Singapore~

Meet friends in Singapore

But ah wells travelling overseas can always be a good getaway. 

On 11dec after my puking fiesta on 10 dec I went to meet yx haze Jon for supper!!!!!

I was late. Omg I'm always late and I feel horrible about it. OKAY MUST CHANGE!

Anyways 

Yes I was so happy to meet them cause each of them are so close to me and I had HTHT sessions with each of them

I practically skipped to their table. :D

The good thing about woodlands buddies is that they remind me of gay okay. Perhaps less tense than gay okay.

But real similar

Conversations that spring up in silence are always really random. They say things off the top of their head. And it's not insensitive or bad. 

Ver told me about freeing sg and Voon told me about paintball RIGHT OPPOSITE HER HOUSE 

so I can't wait to sleepover with them and go for both. It will be forever one of my happy memories cause I love each one of them very much. Except Sean HAHAHAHAHA but that's another story~

Went Jon house after that to lepak for a while.

Me and Jon had to teach dear hazel and yx BRIDGE

no 18 year old ain't gonna get away without knowing bridge

It's like a SOCIAL NORMMM

And yx was like "the day has come when I finally learn bridge"

I mean 1215 have played PLEEEENTY of times. Through all the sleepovers. And he skipped through ALL. By wearing high heels while we play LOL or just choosing to do anything else

The time was getting real real late and even tho I feel happy around them.. I started to get real real worried

My dad was falling ill with my puking illness so he couldn't drive me home from woodlands. And if I miss the last train I'm screwed~ 

Jonny was surprisingly? (Or not so surprisingly) aware of my change in mood. Real fast. 

So we had our last game and the win I had with Jon aka the only other person who know how to plaaay LOL was good.

After that...

WE RAN FOR MY LAST TRAIN LOL

Damn yx and hazel could take buses home~

And Jon sent me off to the mrt

So while waiting for the bus that never came. We talked talked talked

And realised something was amiss LOL 

No bus was gonna come and we RAAAAAN for last train

Which I seriously took the last train as well as the last lrt

And I saw the SHUTTERS CLOSING RIGHT AFTER I STEPPED OUT OF THE STATION!! 

Cooooooooooooool. It was as if someone was waiting for me to leave. 

And I felt like a boss for 10 seconds 8)

The next day!!!

Met radiance and vernice !!!!!

Two girls who are close to me. 

Ver is a duh. But radiance was close to me in sec 4 !!! 

The interesting part about me and vernice friendship is that we are sisters sort of.

Will never forget that day Alevel period me and her just laze on her sofa. 

Didn't talk for quite a few seconds

It was never awkward. 

Both of us were either thinking... Or not thinking at all LOL 

And the good part about the friendship is like siblings... We are not afraid to express our opinions. Even when it's not agreeable. There's no fear that we wouldnt be accepted by the other no matter what we say. And I know she think through things too. Consider all perspectives. 

So in this case I'm glad to be proven wrong ^^

Hahaha aaaanyways 

We had lotsa fun!!!! 

Watched Sherlock Holmes. 

Me and rad were really into the movie like our hearts were beating fast for the movie.

Ver seemed like she was gonna fall asleep.. LOL but she perked up when I gave her my favourite greentea biscuit.

Damn the biscuit tastes always damn good to me. As if multiple damns is effective in emphasizing my point~

Then we lepaked and talked and draw lots for 4m girls Christmas exchangeeee

Budget five bucks~

I will probably do something DIYish~ 

After that I tried to help radiance solve her problemmn on the journey out. 

It wasn't my area of expertise~ 

Having confidence and smoothness~

But it was for a guy~

Met Daniel after that

He's a brother to me

And I really really really love him too!!!!!!!!

I felt so happy to be meeting ver rad dan in one day. 

Daniel is just a replica of me

Like really 

Our interests in debates. Political science..? And our lameness and quirkiness. Mentality. humor. Compassion is equal.? 

Basically everything is the same 

Once I met him I felt like giving him a hug 

But then I realised we were different gender DAMN!!!

Hahahahahaha #idiots 

Daniel say things assuming I already knew about them. All the debates situation Snow-den, 9-11, North Korea. So I would really lose out if Google wasn't my friend. It wouldn't be fun debating with a blur person. 

I was glad I could stand my ground. ^^ 

Our gaps in knowledge complemented each other. So he told me new stuffs just like I told him too.!

Apparently it's a norm in his class to debate. That's why he's so used to it. 

He calls it expressing your opinions while respecting others. 

That's prooobably the difference between arts and science classes. 

In science you really have a direct answer. 

But in arts.. There's never right or wrong. It's more of training your persuasiveness..? How do you prove you're right etc

And that is what any normal science student will say when explaining about the polarity within a pool of students.

And he's like "no that's not exactly true"

Science isn't as direct in the real world

Currently what all students are uselessly studying is data itself. 

But as you advance in science... We realise that in reality Experiment results, data can be obtained easily. With technology and advanced equipments. The inference of the data matters a lot too.. It's basically the crux of the problem.

The number of assumptions and loopholes in science is aplenty even tho it's not made aware to us.

And he gave me examples of loopholes~~

Yeap cool conversation to some, boring to others. 

Of course Danny told me about less intense stuffs. He told me how was his prom~ which was entirely different from my prom experience even tho we are in the SAME school. 

It's always interesting. 

They are more exposed to drinking clubbing etc. wild stuffs can happen so easily. Which thankfully didn't~

Mine was just a homely gathering with my class. Extreeeemely different. 

It just dawned on me that blogging is really healthy~

Haha anyway both of us separated around 10.30pm and we were kinda like awwww man. But both happy nevertheless :D 

Like I wasn't tired enough. 

On my way home I called Gladys about the dance stuffs~

And then after washing up DARRIN SAMUEL YUNHSIU decided to FaceTime me hahahaha

Why me? I have no idea. They probably knew my sleeping time was as awry as theirs. 

It was funny even tho I was damn sleepy. 

They were being stupidly fun and I just felt like insulting them cause it's fun too. 

And as usual they are all 

ALISHAN ALLISHAN HAHA 

YOU ALL WANT GO THERE DIE GO AHEAD I WILL CELEBRATE AND LEAD YOUR FUNERAL WITH THE BIGGEST SMILE ON MY FACE. 

HAHAHAHA

And Yunhsiu HAD to pull down Samuel pants. SERIOUSSSLY hahahha

Dudes even tho you don't treat me as a girl. Seeing Samuels disgusting ass is as good as making me lose my appetite for weeks. I will be reduced to a bag of bones then!

It was fun tho. They crazily left Darrin house at 2am. Samuel might as well stay over~

Talking to half drunk Darrin reminded me of talking to half drunk yongxiang. 

Hehe. But we still had our conversaaation~ 

I wish you all the best bro *brofist*

The next daay!!!!

Went out with X 

It was fun~~ doing our usual stuffs 

It felt nice having only both of us there. 

His words for me only and mine was for him.

But NO! Haha no feelings kays~ 

So gay acting like a singer in Daiso. Hahahaha and being his usual gayness. 

Conversation flowed and laughed throughout the entire day. Or as I counted 7 hours? Felt tired for moments but that's fine~ I had a crazy three days!

It felt nice hearing his solutions to all my problems. Perspectives always so different from others. Confidence came naturally. Things that only he could think of as solutions.

When I tried explaining my thoughts I asked if he got it. And he joked around and said yes he got it. And I knew he did~

We talked about childhood. Past memories. Daily activities. 

It was nice but draining.

At the end i didn't even realise my feet were hurting from my shoe :O

Hahaha but nevertheless always good to go out with someone close to you!

Saturday and Sunday aka today I spent at home !!!!

Need to pack my bag and need to recuperate ! My appetite hasn't been awesome lately perhaps still suffering from the after effects of my vomiting fiasco. I really can't risk falling sick in Bangkok which is something I'm really prone to when i have prolonged periods of fun!!! Making Lynn's present meanwhile too!!!

Hehe a really long post but happy one. 

Goooodbye!!!! 

Be kind to one another~ Ellen words. 

And find joy in what you possess !

I am sick. 

And I am so sian that I am sick

Why am I always sick when I have so much to doooo

Need to do Lynn's present. 

Help choreo 

2 og outings

Complete my teachers card.

Write a letter to ms chia. 

Pack my table.

Write notes to ogms.

And my schedule is packed like crazy

Heeeeelp meeeeeeeeee

Okay instead of whining here I should get down and do it right.

But I'm so so so overwhelmed. 

And my fantastic stomach isn't helping me. 

I feel fine. Like no fever and stuff. A bit of body ache but otherwise I'm good.

My stomach just feels paaaaain

And I cancelled my meeting with dancers today. 

I wanted to meet Daniel for dinner!!! Miss our conversations so much. Hopefully I will feel better to go. But I don't trust myself to eat anything when I'm with him. I mean seriously... Puking my entire lunch and dinner yesterday does not feel good. Hopefully my lunch today will be okay .....

Then I wanna go supper with haz Jon yx Sean Voon. But that I know I will definitely not eat at ALLL cause they are eating prattaaaaaa. I mean even when I'm well I don't like prata. 

My mum just walked past me and she's holding a bucket too. 

It's kinda funny how both of are tied to buckets now. 

Okay I should get down to things already!!! 

Come lets do this !!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~

During the walking around taking of photos I suddenly felt worried that I wouldn't see the gays. Cause after all they were an important part of my jc life. Significant. And when I saw them I was like yay!!!!!! Haha super happy and played with them!!!! They were like see your back see your back hahaha and I realised I have been slouching quite a bit which is really baaad. Kaien and other girls touched my back a lot too LOL and my friend sprayed this pretty sparkly powder on my back ... And this only resulted in 2 small lumps like pimples on my back the next day hahaha nuuuuu!

Quite a pity that Ranice and Samantha didn't come tho. Wish they were there. 

I thought It was strange that it became normal for guys to put his hand around the girls shoulder and the girl will put her hand around the guys waist during a photo. Initially I was like whut and I only did it to closer guys. But eventually everyone did it LOL that it became a norm!!! I mean if you think of it conservatively it's a half hug. And I really dislike any contact with guys I'm not close with. Haha but ah well I guess it's all part of growing up!!!! 

~~~~~~~~~ 

Wa this post have been prolonged so many days LOL at least 3.? 

But I am determined to post about prom!!!!! Haha super determined !!! 

Where was I.....? 

Yes. I felt really really flattered when guys praised me about my outfit. I don't know what to say.... Or I didn't know what to say... I mean last prom I asked my boyfriend if I looked okay. But this prom guys told me I look good. Even just now 1hr ago I bumped into my neighbour (whom I had a crush on in pri 3 LOL) and he said my hair looked really nice. Like others who dyed their hair some not as nice but mine was nice. And I'm like... I really don't know what to do or say except smile. I can't even say thank you cause in my mind I just don't believe they are referring to me. 

It's the same with feelings... If someone has feelings for me I can't get over the initial shock and it will take me ages to believe it's actually me they are referring to. Then it would take me months to wonder what to do how should I behave so as to react in the kindest way possible considering both in the short run and long run. Options are always if I should continue getting close and stab in the end. Or allow drifting further to let feelings be forgotten. Or make my stand clear from the start.. Well for starters I have a problem now..................

I just hate the fact that when the guy tries to jio then they will get super close and when they realise it's unsuccessful they can just dump the friendship. 

And I'm just left there taken for a ride. 

I hate I hate I hate it. And it made me so upset the past few weeks or months.

I don't blame the guy though.... I get what the other party thinks. How the person need to get away to salvage whatever that's left of himself. At least that happened for me. 

I just really dislike the whole situation.

Haha okay I should stop the pessimism. 

Took a few photos. I bumped into Daniel too!! And I miss talking and playing with him so much. Meeting him tomorrow to play hahaha probably gonna have a debate. I like debates. First few mini adventures into political science. 

Chances are he knows a lot more than me. So it's learning time tomorrow too. 

Skip past all the displays of affection. I understand why they do that tho... The longing to profess your love on a special day. Haha surprisingly it didn't make me feel unhappy or lonely.. I just really felt happy for them and that's it. 

After the whole thing I said bye to my loves and left with the class to go back to gorgeous Fullerton.!!!!!!!!!

It is so damn pretty the night view and morning view. Especially the "sunrise" 

There wasn't much of a sun to observe but we saw cloud change color from black to blue and orange. The guys told me I missed the best part tho~ damn you guys grrrrrr haha but I was still happy to be there watching the scene... It was so picturesque I was absolutely in love with it. Couldn't believe something so gorgeous could be seen in Singapore tho. Normally you would expect this beauty to be from another country~ 

Posted the photo almost everywhere LOL waiting to post on insta tomorrow or tonight!! 

Then we played Indian poker

Hahahahahahahahaha

Okay the whole thing was so funny I don't even know how to start. 

We were having such a great great time in the hotel room for 6 hours laughing out loud non stop surrounded by pillows and I had my AWESOME buckweed pillow made of beans. Okay it's damn comfortable with bed to lean on and sofa and the carpeted floor felt good too. 

Drinking games was so funny. Alvin was absolutely drunk. Like really bad. 

Initially it was okay... Like he stuttered a bit and a bit unstable. 

But we played Indian poker and he was too fun not to sabo. All of us shouting CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE! Then we must "shhhhhhhhh" cause scared kena chased out. And after a while we kinda forgot and started shouting again or cheering and I would boo at whichever ppidiot that lie to me. And A LOT of idiots lie to me! I so fun to bully meh?!??!?!

And my luck with cards was damn bad. Obviously the girls will help each other non stop cause girls protect girls. So when I got the lowest card Val was like "change" and I changed... And.... I got the lowest again. And changed. And changed. And changed. And changed. I think it was 4 times when she just gave up LOL not that I blame her I kinda accepted my fate to drink by then~ 

What a bad yehlin. 

I do have many regrets about As 

And I tell myself if my results ain't very good I will retake with much more focus and determination than I have ever put into anything in my life

But for now 

It's just waititing for the results. 

I'm at a crossroad too cuz even if I do acceptably well

I have no idea what I should take

I know I have an interest in political science. 

But after all. It's an arts degree.

I don't know enough specifics for the course. All I know is I can't do arts for nuts. I can't structure my words as well as others. 

So I guess everything is just waiting for the results. 

I have a slight fever now from playing too much LOL

Strange but true

I'm either with friends with family or reading. 

My addiction towards reading is something that really surprises me. Once I start I really can't stop. 

And I kinda started LOL

My nights have been to...

Let's just read one chapter.

And then it never stops. 

Next day I wake up so sleep deprived.

I'm such a child

I have so many tasks at hand. 

Luckily most completed. 

Organise og outing. That's really not easy...

Make mr chew compiled card from the class. 

Prepare for prom. Which I'm proud to say I've almost completed except for the dying of my hair tomorrow 

Red <3 dip dye 

So excited and happy to dye hahaha

Graduation cards for my class girls and some of my class guys. 

And Lynn's birthday. 

For the past two years I spent a lot of effort into vernice birthday. 

And none into Lynn's birthday. 

It makes me feel horrible. 

And it's worse knowing that she forgives me anyway. 

Radiance birthday too. 

The only person whose birthday I really focused on was vernice LOL

Oh yeah and Christmas exchange.

And job. 

Really want a day care job but I'm not sure if there are any vacancies.

I should start calling and finding out.

But I feel so overwhelmed by my tasks at hand I don't exactly know how to start. 

Lynn keeps telling me she don't know what to do for her birthday 

Thank god I'm meeting her later to finally ask her to finalise her plans so that I can finalise mine.

Very happy to meet Lynn and vernice later and I'm going there with a cold ????

Haha sorry for the lack of ambitious words in this post. 

Tired but happy. 

At peace ? 

I have decided to leave affairs of the heart in the hands of fate. 

Somehow that gives me bliss. 

Maybe the right guy is around me now?

Maybe the right guy hasn't come ? 

All I know is I haven't really seen him yet. 

Hehe okay!!! Bye !!!!!

Amanda
Andrea
Andrew
Azrina
Camellia
Cheryl
Chingwei
Chuxuan
Chloe
Daniel
Jason
Jeidy
Jiayi
Jieling
Jingci
Jingwen
Jodie
Joey
Jolene
Karmen
Keita
Keni
Lin
Liyin
lucy
Lynn
Madeline
Minghui
Muntat
Munyee
Nicole
Pearlyn
Pearlyn senior
Rachel
Radiance
Rebecca
Reine
Regena
sebastian
Shuyun
Siewyi
Simin
Siumin
Sin yi
Vernice
Weijun
Winnie
Xavier
Yukei
Zoey